Accidentally Obsessed: Cloth Diapering [Part Two]

Ok, it has been WAY TOO LONG since my first post about cloth diapering, and I HUGELY apologize for that. Life has been crazy this past month and a half, and as I have mentioned in previous posts, other things just got in the way. BUT, I am finishing this first series, and am already working on another one for different types of cloth diapers. For convenience, I bumped up the previous post with a couple of updates. You can find it linked below. 

Part one of this two-parter discussed why we cloth diaper and what brands we used/why we liked them. Please feel free to check out that post if you are reading this one first, although they don't necessarily need to be read in a specific order. For this one, I want to focus on how we wash them, the system we use, and night time diapers.

Wash! Wash! Wash!
One of the great environmental factors to cloth diapering is that they aren't taking up landfill space. You're not tossing them out and you're helping in keeping our planet just a little greener. Unfortunately, this means that you need to clean them yourself. I promise you, this is not NEARLY as scary as some people think. 

What you have to understand about cloth diapers is that they are most efficient when they do not have any build-up on them. Build up can occur through a number of things, including the type of detergent you use, whether or not it has dyes or fragrances, how MUCH you use, how you wash your diapers, fabric softener, etc. They are not like normal disposable diapers, where they are filled with chemicals to help catch urine. If you have build-up on your diapers, then that build-up will repel the urine. That's when leaks happen. Leaks are bad.

So the first key is to finding a detergent that is cloth diaper friendly. This list right here [follow the link!] is a GREAT list of what works and what doesn't for cloth diapering. You might be surprised at what is a good detergent and what is not. When we first started using cloth diapers, I was using Charlies Detergent for our diapers. It works well enough, and lots of people swear by it. I didn't MIND it, but I felt like it wasn't quite getting my diapers clean enough, so after I ran out of that I switched to Rockin' Green and I haven't gone back. It has no dyes, enzymes or brighteners, so it won't give your diapers that dreaded build-up.  Find what works for you and go with it! I love LOVE love the way RG makes my diapers smell [I know, weird. But hey, whatever.]

Our Set Up
I wanted to mention how we store our diapers, both clean & dirty. This isn't hugely important, and it's definitely key to do what works best for you. But I am totally that person who researched the best way to store diapers. I am very weird in the fact that I MUST know how other people do it before I figure out how to do it on my own. It's probably some sort of personality flaw or self-esteem issue, but I was that person who googled the best way to store your diapers.

And of course, what I found [no surprise here] was that everybody essentially does it differently. Storing them clean isn't really a big deal, but there are different ways to store your dirty ones. This is just one way, and I'll mention another, but again, do what works for you.

 
Our clean diapers simply go into a drawer in the nursery dresser, which also serves as our changing station. After they are clean/dried, I stuff them & place them in the drawer. This way they are ready to go for me, M or whoever else may be changing a diaper. Some people stuff as they go. That's fine, too. I just like to get it all done. Also, I love seeing a drawer full of bright, pretty cloth diapers. I know. Weirdo. 

When they are dirty, in our house, we use a wet bag system. This means that when we change diapers, the dirty diaper & the reusable wipe go straight into the bag & said bag is zipped up. I keep this hanging on the side dresser and every day we start a new one. A true wet bag will KEEP THE SMELL IN. I promise. We do not have any odor issues, no matter how nasty a diaper is.

Other people use a wet bucket. This is simply a large bucket that you keep full of water, and as you change a diaper, you throw the dirty diaper in the bucket to soak it before washing. Your call. 

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE POOP?? This, I think, is what is most terrifying for a lot of people looking into cloth diapering. OH GOD ... the POOP! Yeah. Poop is gross. We all know that. But, it happens, and you have to deal with it. There are a lot of ways to do this. You can buy a diaper sprayer, that you hook up to your toilet & you simply spray the poop away. You can do what we did and grab an old spatula that you're not emotionally invested in and use that to scrape it into the toilet (We keep clorox wipes with it to clean it it off after each use). We also use liners. We don't use them with every diaper, but Lucas has gotten pretty dependable in his "timing." Liners are great because you simply dump it all into the toilet & flush, liner included, and it saves you the effort of having to scrape it off. It's totally your call on how you want to handle it.

Your washing machine is set up to handle a lot of dirt. It can handle a lot of poop, too. Trust me on this one. We have the cheapest washing machine on the planet, and we have had no issues whatsoever.

The Process
So after knowing all of that, this is what happens when we clean our diapers:

Rinse Cycle: Every three days, I pull all the diapers apart (pulling the liner out of the pocket) and throw into the washing machine. I also turn the wet bags inside out and throw them in there as well, and toss in any reusable wipes that were used. I then run a COLD rinse cycle, with NO detergent on a full load setting, even if I am not washing a full load of diapers. This is a crucial step, because what this is doing is giving your diapers a good rinse. It is rinsing away most of the urine and most of the poop. You want to do it on cold, because hot water will set any stains that you have, which you do not want. You want those diapers coming out white and fluffy! Also, WATER IS YOUR FRIEND. The more water you have in there, the better.

If your diapers are a little dirtier than normal, let them soak for an hour once the rinse cycle is full, then run the rinse cycle. This will help loosen up any "mess" that may be tricky to get out.

Wash Cycle: After I do the rinse cycle, I set it to a Hot/Cold setting and do a long wash cycle WITH the extra rinse cycle turned on (so it will get two rinses after the wash). I throw in 1 1/2 tablespoons of Rockin' Green and call it good. This washes the diapers on HOT, then rinses in cold twice. You don't need a lot of detergent. Too much detergent will cause build up on your diapers, which will then cause leakage. Leaks are bad, remember?

Drying: There are two ways to dry your diapers. You can throw them in the dryer, and set it to low. This is the quick way to do it, and as a full-time working mom, the way that we do it most often. Sunning your diapers is actually the best way to dry, however, and this is how I dry my diapers on the weekends. Sunning simply means laying your diapers and inserts on a rack in the sun, and letting the sun do the work. This helps prolong the life of your diapers and again, you're not wasting energy. Also, if you have any stains on your diaper, a little sun is the best way to get rid of it, believe it or not. We have been cloth diapering for over a year now, and all of our diapers look as white & clean as the day we purchased them. If you take care of them properly, they will last you the life of your child being in diapers.

Reusable Wipes
I mentioned that we use reusable wipes. This is not a 100% of the time thing. BUT, if it is just a wet diaper, I will use some cut up fabric (Fleece works best! Cotton is also great. Baby wash clothes you can buy at the store? Perfect!) & some cleaning spray. My personal favorite is California Baby Diaper Area Spray. I tried a couple home made diaper sprays and they were just too harsh for Lucas's little bum. California Baby is very sensitive and we have not had a problem with it since we started using it. You can also use just plain water (in fact, when my bottle of spray was half empty, I topped it off with some water and called it good). We DO use disposable wipes for the bigger, messier, dirty diapers. But that's just us. I know some who ONLY use reusable wipes. I also know some who ONLY use disposable wipes. Again, this is one of those areas that is up to you.

What Happens If We Have Leaks?
If you have a leaks, there are a couple of things that could come into play here. One, that diaper may not be tight enough. Or it may not fit correctly. If you can get those snaps a little tighter, do it. Check to see how much room is in the legs. Is there too much? The diaper might not be a good fit for your baby and maybe trying a different brand is in order.

But what if the diaper fits perfectly and you're still having leaks? I've mentioned buildup before -- any sort of chemical buildup on the diaper will results in said diaper repelling liquid, which we don't want. There is a very simple solution, and it involves "stripping" your diapers. I use a product called RLR if we ever have a problem. I wash the diapers as usual, then run an extra wash/double rinse cycle (without drying!) with one packet of this. This helps get the diapers whiter and removes any residual buildup that can come from using detergent, diaper rash cream, etc. One load like this usually solves any problems we have.

Night Time Diapers
This post has gotten much longer than I wanted it to be, BUT, this is the last section. I promise. Night time diapers, I will admit, have been an issue for us. From early on, Lucas was a very heavy wetter, and even when we triple stuffed diapers, he would leak right through at night. And not just a little - he would SOAK through the diaper.  It wasn't fair to him to wake up every morning completely wet, and it was frustrating to me to have to keep doing so much extra laundry. We tried probably six or seven different type of diapers that were supposed to be good for "heavy wetters" and Lucas blew them all out of the water. So, I will admit, that we use disposables at night because it truly was the only thing that worked for us.

With Lucas being older now, I am thinking about trying cloth diapers at night again, because his out put doesn't seem to be as much at night as it used to be. I wish I could be more of an "expert" on night time use, but I don't have any advice to give, other than to keep trying to find one that works for, and if you can't, there's no shame in using a disposable. That's still only seven diapers a week, instead of however many you would use if you were using full-time.

PHEW. That's a lot of information in a couple of posts!! I'm working on a post on the different type of cloth diapers, and will have that up in the next couple of weeks, so be on the lookout. And if you have any questions, please feel free to ask or contact me!

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Thank You

First and foremost, before I get into the rest of the post, I want to thank y'all for all the support of my last blog post. Holy goodness.

There was a pretty big level of fear in writing that post. The emotions that I was feeling are very hard to convey, and I was terrified of actually hitting "publish."  I don't feel that I got out exactly what I wanted to say in the best of words, but I seemed to have made the point that I was trying to make. I appreciate all the lovely comments, emails & words of encouragement and I am glad that I didn't piss off too many people. Most, at least the ones that chose to be vocal, understood where I was coming from & took no offense. I was happy to see so many sides of the issues presented, without judgement, while also witnessing a great conversation unfold.

Being pregnant right now is hard. Telling people that I loved was hard. There were tears, lots of tears, and I think that this second pregnancy, in it's very short life, is loads harder than the first one was (not from a physical or mental standpoint, but from a "member of the infertility community" standpoint.) Sometimes I have a hard time accurately expressing how I feel, and how I hope I am not making others feel.

So thank you. I mean it.

So, what else has been going on? Our life has been chaotic & hectic. The Army seems to be doing wonderful things to us right now (she says sarcastically). Remember that impending move? Well, the move may be happening, just not where we had originally planned. Or at all. Or maybe still to where we thought, just with a different job in tow. We have no idea. I don't want to divulge plans, or our hopes of plans, since nothing is concrete anymore, but I am hoping that things work out in our favor. Of course, this is the Army we are talking about which means nothing ever works out in our favor (see also: stuck in NC for the past seven years.) or in a timely manner.

So who knows.

Baby-wise, I have nothing to report for the most part. I will be nine weeks this week, and haven't had much to show for it. I have had a couple days of nausea here and there & headaches early on that have, for the most part, gone away. Aside from that, my symptoms have been minimal. It's nerve-wracking and worrisome, but I have no reason to believe that anything is going wrong. It's hard to believe that we are at this point already, but at the same time, feels like we have barely made a dent. Is nine weeks really worth celebrating? I was looking back at some of my posts from this mark last time, when I was pregnant with Lucas, and it was hard reading how much sadness and despair I had (read here, here & here). I remember it, too, being completely terrified of what MIGHT happen. I felt that way for a long time, through most of my pregnancy, never truly feeling like I could relax & just enjoy it. Honestly, I never did.

There were other factors in that aside from the fear & worry (depression, lots of physical pain) but they were the main focus.I'm trying to NOT do that this time around. It's tough, I'm not going to lie. This pregnancy has already been different & worries aside, I feel in a much better place, even now.

We are ALMOST finished remodeling our kitchen (just in time for us to move). We need to slap some paint up on the walls & we will, for the most part, be done. I can't wait to share some before & after photos. SO different than when we moved into the house five years ago.

So that's that. Fingers crossed that the Army gives us good news. If I don't hear something this week, my head might explode. And nobody wants that to happen (I don't, at least!) 

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My Pregnancy & My Truths.

Last week, or the week before (I don't remember) I wrote a post about the results of my IUI. This week, I will be eight weeks pregnant.

So there's that. YAY!

We are incredibly excited, although a little nervous about having two children (just one babe in there, we checked!) but excited none the less. The post has since been removed because, well, it was kind of depressing. As excited as we are, it was a tough pill to swallow, knowing that I have hurt some people that I love who are still very much in the trenches of infertility.

And then I got no response. Not even one congrats. Which, you know, is fine. It's not about that. But I poured my heart out in that post as well, about the guilt I was feeling, and I didn't even receive any thoughts on that, either.

So, it is what it is.

When I broke the news on twitter, as gently as I could, it was mostly positive responses. But there were a few. Some harsh words were spoken. Words that hurt. Words, honestly, I can't get past. They are in the throws. The very ugly throws of infertility. They hurt. They are in pain. I understand this. But it sucks, mostly, when I have been so supportive of others, through good news and bad, no matter how hard it has been to me in the past, to not receive that support in return.

So, I threw in the towel. I deleted the post, because I'm growing weary apologizing and feeling guilty. Does this make me a horrible person? Maybe. But right now, I'm focusing on me and the ones who HAVE been there for me. Whether some like it or not, there is this mentality in the infertility community (not among everybody, but among some) that your struggle does not count if it is not the same as their struggle. Many seem to forget that pain is pain, no matter what form it comes in, but if it's not the same level of pain, if you haven't gone through the same treatments, then sympathy or support is not required. It's expected to be received, but not given. It's also unfortunate. 

And as somebody on the bottom rung of the infertility treatment, I fall often into the category of having to give, but never receive. As somebody who has gone out of my way to send love, strength, hope, care packages, gifts, cards, words of encouragement and all the hugs the virtual world can offer (and sometimes in real life) sometimes I want that back when I am feeling down. Or scared. Or worried that this pregnancy might just not continue to go well (the permanent worries of some one who has survived a miscarriage). Instead I feel like I cannot talk about such things without the catalyst of anger that is received.

Plain & simple? I will continue to give support to those that I can, to those that are close to me. But yes -- I would kind of, sometimes, like a little support in return. I'm only human. I am blessed with an amazing child, one that I cherish & am grateful for every day, and I am even more blessed that we are lucky to have a second one on the way. But that doesn't mean I live a fearless life. Or that there are tough days. Or that I still get irritated with the amount of over sharing some individuals chose to do about their pregnancy situations. Every single day, I worry. I worry about my lack of symptoms (the ones that are basically non-existent). I worry about the fact that I am just about 8 weeks pregnant and still feeling like I'm not pregnant at all. No nausea. No belly bloat. Nothing. The way I am feeling, it would be very easy to FORGET that I was pregnant. I don't have many reminders (something that is very welcome, I promise) that things are going well. I just ... am. These may not be a big deal to some, but it's scary to me. I constantly worry that things aren't going well. But when I see others complain of this, again while mostly positive, there usually are some harsh words that also follow from others. Why put myself out there if I know that's what will follow?

I've searched out some new moms to follow -- those who have had success with IUI's. I'm hopeful that I will find a new group to fit into, one that I am better accepted in and who is more understanding of the life I live now with a child but also the life that comes with having to use IUI's as a way of conception. I know that others feel this same way, because I have talked to them, but while there is a mentality of "your struggle isn't as hard as my struggle" there also seems to be a mentality of "my struggle isn't as hard as your struggle." A struggle is a struggle, is it not? I'm not saying that I ever intend to post every single detail of every single day (trust me -- it annoys me when others do it). There needs to be a level of humility & a desire to be humble about your experience. But keeping mum out of fear of others isn't the way to go, either. There can be a middle ground.

So a little word of advice -- if someone reaches out to you, reach back out to them every once in a while. The internet is an easy place to hide how we all feel. But as a community, we should love & support everyone who is going through this or HAS gone through this. No matter what direction their treatments took them in. Because you never know who is struggling.

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Accidentally Obsessed: Cloth Diapering [Part One]

**Note from Brittany: Initially, I intended to do one big blog post on our cloth diapering experiences. And then it got long. So now it's a two-parter. This first part covers our reasons for cloth diapering & what brands we use. Part two will cover how we wash them, the system we use & night time diapers. So come back!

Dear internet: I love cloth diapering. Like, LOVE cloth diapering. SO MUCH. In fact, I have become sort of obsessed with it. I wish I could buy all the adorable cloth diapers that are out there, but my husband won't let me. Rude. But I really do love them. We like to consider ourselves semi-crunchy kind of people in our household. We recycle more than we throw things away. I am completely supportive of anybody who wants to nurse, even though it didn't work out for us. I am making my own baby food [even though we are still totally in the beginning stages]. I carry my kiddo around in a ring sling or our Ergo when I can.

But, you know, I used to drive a gas-guzzling SUV. I am also horrible about remembering to turn off lights in the house, which drives M crazy. I don't always buy organic when it's just for M & I. So as green as we try to be, I kind of suck at it other times. Eggs, milk and meat always -- everything else organic when we can budget it.

Long before M & I had Lucas, when we were just talking about maybe having a baby, we knew we wanted to cloth diaper. Neither of us had done a lot of research into it, but we knew this was the route we wanted to go. There wasn't a lot of debate. No back and forth of which was better, cloth or disposable, the pros and cons to each. In fact, our conversation sort of went like this:

Me: What do you think about cloth diapering?
Him: I think we should do it and think it's a great idea when we do have a baby.
Me: Really?
Him: Yup.
Me. OK then. Cloth diapering it is. 

And that's what we stuck with. It was honestly the easiest parenting decision we have ever made. When we thought of cloth diapering, we had prefolds in mind. That's what we both instantly thought of when the term "cloth diapering" came up. There were discussions of diapers and pins and laundering services because who wants to stick poopy diapers into your washing machine? It wasn't until I started researching cloth diapers that I realized how far things had come since M & I were wee little tots. Not only far, but CONFUSING. Suddenly we had so many choices. Prefolds. Pockets. All-In-Ones. Fitted's. Covers or no covers. Then there was the topic of washing -- how did we do it? What did we wash with? I was overwhelmed. I only knew one other person who used cloth diapers at the time, and even with her giving me the best description she could, I didn't know which way we would go.

I picked the brain of my friend & listened to her experiences. I visited our local cloth diapering store and felt every diaper they had. I asked the owner question after question. I researched online until I was blue in the face. This was my baby's cute little booty! I wanted to make sure that his skin was as protected as it could be. I also would like to say that I am in no way an expert. These are merely my experiences with cloth diapers. I have read other accounts of what people do, and it varies drastically [and sometimes not so drastically, but still different] from what we do. What we do and what we use is not the end all. It's just works for us. As with everything in parenting, do what works for you! I just really, really love cloth diapering.

SO WHY CLOTH DIAPERS?
There are a lot of detailed reasons why we chose to cloth diaper, and why it is generally better for baby and the environment. There is a great list of diaper facts over at the Real Diaper Association that can go into the details a little more.

But our reasons were a little more simple. It's just better. Better for baby. Better for the environment. Better for our pocket books. We are not contributing additional waste to our already full land fills, and we are saving, literally, thousands of dollars by using cloth diapers instead of disposables. On top of that, disposables are full of so many chemicals. Our  kiddo is already going to be exposed to so many things in his life, so why not do what we can and keep the thing touching is little private parts TWENTY FOUR SEVEN as natural as possible.

The initial cost if cloth diapering can be hard to swallow. It's a huge expense up front, which can be hard for some families to do. We did not start off cloth diapering right away. In fact, we didn't put the first cloth diaper on our little guy until he was about 8 weeks old. Every mom knows that those first few weeks you go through so many diapers. We were changing 10-12 diapers a day, which means that I would have been doing laundry every single day. Plus, newborn cloth diapers can vary in size from the standard brands that you have probably heard of. So, we sucked it up and used disposables for those first few weeks.

On top of that, chunky legs wear cloth diapers differently than skinny newborn legs. I have found that with certain brands, as Lucas has gained weight, the diaper has not fit as well as it did when he was a little lighter. Diapers that don't fit well lead to leaking, and nobody wants to deal with that. If you want to cloth diaper from the beginning [and I know people that have done it!] check to see if you have a local cloth diapering store that does a rental program. Some places will have a stash of newborn cloth diapers that you can rent for those first few weeks, until you find a brand that fits well with your baby. We chose not to do this, but our cost output is still significantly less than what it would be if we were only using disposables.

WHAT BRAND DO YOU USE?
I should first start out by saying that we use one-size pocket diapers. When we were doing our research, we decided that pockets was what was best for us. I wasn't overly excited about using prefolds, and All-In-Ones were a little out of our price range. So pockets it was, and they are just that -- diapers with pockets in them, which requires stuffing an insert inside [see above!] All of my advice/experiences come from using pocket diapers [with an exception of using fitted's, which I will get to eventually!] with no experience in anything else. We also went with one-size diapers because we wanted something that would last through our diapering years, without having to continually update our stash with different sizes. I have a couple of guest bloggers lined up who use prefolds & AIO's -- I have asked them to share their experiences so that we can fully represent all types of cloth diapers here. So be on the lookout!

When we first started buying cloth diapers, we bought a couple different brands. Since we hadn't met our kiddo, we didn't know what would work best for him and we wanted to make sure that if we were going to drop $300-$500, that we were spending it on diapers that best fit our baby. I have found that people can be VERY committed to one brand over another, or they buy strictly on what their friends have. This is totally fine! But we weren't afraid to try some different things out to figure out what worked best for us. Initially, we bought a couple of Bum Genius 4.0's [snaps and velcro], a couple of SunBaby diapers, and a KawaiiBaby Heavy Wetters. Ultimately, the SunBaby diapers were sold to the highest bidder. I REALLY wanted to like them because they are on the cheaper spectrum when it comes to pocket diapers but they just didn't work for us. I had to have the snaps fixed on two of them within the first couple of months of use, and I found that due to the type of material they were made with, it made stuffing difficult [it was almost like the inside was "sticky." Weird.] The KawaiiBaby Heavy Wetters were used at night, and I will write about those later.

When I was getting rid of my SunBaby diapers, I was looking for something else to replace them with. I stumbled upon GoGreen Diapers on Pinterest, of all places, because they had a super adorable giraffe print that I decided I had to have. Not because it was a brand I knew [it wasn't] but simply because it was cute. When I got the diaper, it worked so well that I fell in love and ordered a couple more. I highly recommend this diaper. It is thinner than normal pocket diapers, but we have never had any problems with leaking. And despite it being less than $10, it is extremely well made. I am a fan.  

[*Update* GoGreen has since got rid of their cheaper brand and is selling a slightly more heavy duty diaper. I have not used this and cannot speak to it's quality.]

I also bought some KawaiiBaby Bamboo Minky's. I LOVE these diapers not only because they are incredibly soft [SO SOFT!!] but they fit Lucas so incredibly well. These & the GoGreen's have the same kind of fit, and we are able to get them really snug around the hips without cutting circulation off around legs. Also, a very good price. We only have three of these, but I am in love, love, love.

But 75% of our diapers are the Bum Genius 4.0 Pocket diapers [which are the diapers at the introduction of this post!]. I love these diapers. They area functional. Reliable. Easy to keep clean. They fit extremely well & we have had no problems with leaking. All of our diapers, including the BG's, are snaps. We bought one BG velcro, and I sold it. I didn't like the way it fit, and the velcro was already starting to wear out after a few uses. Snaps are harder for baby to get undone themselves [when the time comes] and I feel like they have a better hold on keeping the diaper secure. But I love our Bum Genius diapers. With any diaper, you want to remember to change frequently. If the insert is full, the diaper will leak. That's just common sense. This will also help cut back on diaper rash. We have only had one diaper rash, and it was when we were using disposables. Sometimes his front will get a little red, but I use some California Baby cream & it clears it right up.

PHEW. That was a long intro to cloth diapering. And we still have a ways to go. The next installation will talk about how we wash them, the system we use for storing & overnight diapers. So come back!

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So this is happening.

So. This happened last week!

Yes. My photography website is now up & running. This is a HUGE huge step for me. I mean, BIG STEP. With our impending move to Augusta, GA, I decided that I needed to take some time for ME. To figure out what I want to do. To be creative. To do the things I LOVE. The desk job thing? I'm sort of over it. Call it a midlife crisis of sorts (god, I hope I'm not dead by 64!) but I needed to make a change in my life.

This is the first of many.

I am so proud of this site & the work I have done so far. I am far from the greatest photographer in the world, but I LOVE what I do, and I am looking forward to the opportunity to do some more of it. Doing this full time will also give me the opportunity to stay home with Lucas & spend more quality time with him, while also pursuing some other creative aspects that I would like to make more of a permanent fixture in my life.

So if you are in the Augusta, GA area and are looking for a photographer? I'm your girl. If you know someone in that area? Please share my site!

Yay for big life steps!

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Let the Chaos Begin

This past week, the husband & I cracked down on the home projects before our move. Because of a necessary school for his new assignment, M will be gone the entire month of June. That really only leaves us a couple of weeks after he returns before our move (at least, that's our hope).

So, in preparation, we have a very lengthy list of big projects that need to be completed before he leaves us those four weeks, leaving me with a much more manageable "to do" list with a crazy but lovable toddler. We've really stepped it into gear, and I am so happy with the progress that we are making. A couple of years ago, we took out our deck with the intention of replacing it with a concrete patio. We found a bunch of wood rot & water damage to the house, which resulted in having to have all of our siding replaced. We never got around to the patio due to the cost of the siding.

BUT -- this past week, we finally got the concrete poured. and we have a nice lovely patio now that we won't really have time to enjoy (but somebody else will!) Over the weekend, we tackled the garage which was a HUGE undertaking. I mean, it was a monster. Our garage has sort of become our catch all room, where things we didn't feel like dealing with were tossed. To the point of not really being able to even walk through the garage. It was an embarrassment!

But, a LOT of hard work, and it's just about there. Things up on shelves, packed away neatly. A LOT of things thrown out. One pile taken to a friends for a garage sale on Saturday with an even bigger pile ready to go later this week. A new rolling tool chest purchased for the husband to help organize the insane amount of crap tools that he owns. All in all it's coming together.

Tomorrow we get new kitchen floors in. Something that I have also wanted to have done for years (it was on the pre-baby list. Yeah. That never happened.) but just never did. So, of course, now that we are getting ready to rent out the house, everything we've wanted to do is being done last minute. But that's fine -- it will help with renting out our house. New carpets is also on the list, and they have been picked out & decided on, but won't be installed until after we move out.

Then there is paint in a couple of rooms, new ceiling fans in ours & the baby's, and a few large pieces of furniture to hopefully sell.

It sounds like a lot, and when we first started coming up with this list, it sounded very overwhelming. BUT, I am feeling so much better & so much less STRESSED knowing that all of this stuff is taken care of before M leaves. The rest is easy for me to tackle -- going through rooms, purging & trying to sell what I can on the facebook groups. Possibly a second garage sale, if I can find enough stuff. All in all, a much, MUCH needed purge of our home with some necessary updates. I really can't wait.

Next up on the list is finding a rental company (which we have a lead on thanks to a good friend) and getting our home listed. I think we are going to take the chance of listing before our orders arrive but our orders are going to come last minute, as they usually do, and I'm concerned about our home being rented out in a timely manner. If things fall through, then we've been wanting to move to a larger home anyways. Hopefully that won't be the case.

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NIAW: My Story

This week, I have had the privilege of reading some amazing & awe inspiring blog posts. Posts from women that have broken my heart, brought tears to my eyes and given me an overwhelming sense of hope & inspiration, all within a matter of paragraphs. Reading what I have been able to read this week, from more amazing women than I can count, makes this post hard for me to write. How do you follow up to that? Plain and simple, I can't.

All I can do is tell you my story.

When I started this blog a few years ago, I was escaping from a much more public presence on the interwebs, where family and friends galore were reading. I chronicled my first miscarriage on that blog. What followed was a depression so deep, that getting out of bed most mornings seemed impossible. When it came time to start our infertility treatments, I got scared. Not only was I severely depressed, I didn't want people I knew in real life to know about our sperm counts and how many trips to see "Wandy" I had been taking. It was personal. I only knew one other person at the time who was going through infertility treatments -- I was scared of what was to come & felt very alone in the process. So I started writing here to sort of save myself from what I thought, at the time, was an embarrassing situation.

My battle is different from many of the stories that I have read this week. So many of the women I know have gone through years of fertility treatments to have their babies, or continue to fight this disease in hopes of one day becoming a family of three. Our journey, in the infertility world, was short lived. One round of clomid. Two rounds of Femara. One IUI with one little follicle that brought us one amazing miracle. I know that on so many levels I cannot possibly relate to what so many of my friends have gone through, continue to go through, and would never, for one second, compare my struggles to theirs. Pain is pain, no matter how you look at it, but I am lucky. I know this and I thank the stars every day for what we have been given. 

I can only share what we went through get here. The years of trying naturally. The miscarriage that broke my mind, body and soul. The waiting ... waiting ... waiting for my husband to return from Iraq so that we could try again, while so many people around me got pregnant. The friends who had miscarriages the same time I did who went on to get pregnant again, successfully, while I was still playing Army Wife. The tears.

So many tears. And so alone.

When we started our fertility treatments, I quickly started finding fellow IF'ers on twitter and through blogs because I needed to. I had no one who understood this. This community? They saved me. Suddenly, there were others. SO MANY OTHERS who knew this pain. Who had been through what I had been through. An astounding ONE in EIGHT couples battle infertility on some level. There are so many reasons why couples struggle with infertility, and so many ways to help build that family you are dreaming of (oral medications, IUI, IVF, FET, surrogate, gestational carrier, adoption, embryo adoption, sperm donation, egg donation) but the emotional and physical toll these procedures take on couples, not to mention financial, are just as extensive.

Finding these women was one of the best things that has happened to me. It has brought me some of the most amazing friendships that I could ever ask for -- women who, no matter what, will drop anything for you to be the support you need. People that I love, without ever having met them face to face, and people that love me back. Friendships that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. These women are an inspiration to me, more than they will ever know. Every day they fight to make the infertility world better. They fight to make sure that infertility becomes less of a taboo topic and more of an open discussion. They FIGHT for the right of others to have better access to treatments. It is a community that I am proud to be a part of, even though I do not say it enough. They taught me early on to not be ashamed of what we were going through. That it SHOULD be out in the open. THAT is what I want to do in return.

This year, RESOLVE's theme was "Join the Movement ..."

The goal of this year's Blog Challenge is to bring together bloggers to talk about how you are making the difference in ways large and small in the lives of people with infertility. Topics covered in your blog post can include how you broke the silence of infertility in your life, how you advocated for the infertility community, how you advocated for yourself, or how you created a support community to help you through the infertility journey.

I will be the first to admit that I do not do enough for this community. I always want to do more. So much more. But I don't. I can give you a million reasons why, but I will save you from that because the fact of the matter is there is no excuse. So, for now, I do what I can, which is lending support. I can do support. I can do hugs. I can give so, so much love. I can be a shoulder to cry on. More than anything, I can encourage and supply HOPE when hope is nowhere to be seen. I do not EVER want anybody to feel the way I felt after my miscarriage. To hit a rock bottom below the rock bottom. To be so afraid of leaving your house because of what might go wrong. To feel like you have nobody there to pick you back up.

That depression post-miscarriage was the lowest point of my life, and is it a low that I never want to see again. Nor do I want any woman to feel even a fraction of how I felt. So when I can? Whether it's a message or a hug or a phone call ... I will be there.

This is what I do, or what I try to do, on a daily basis. Going forward, I am vowing to do better. I want to give more to the community that has already given me so much, and I am looking forward to what the next year will bring. This is the first year that I have truly been in touch with what has been happening in the NIAW world, and as I said before, I am in awe of who I have the honor of associating with.  I hope I make my friends proud in being a better advocate for the community that has already give me so much.

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Join the movement! You don't have to suffer from this disease to be an advocate for it. For more information on infertility and National Infertility Awareness Week, you can visit the following links on the RESOLVE website:

http://www.resolve.org/infertility-overview/what-is-infertility/
http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html

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Our Friends*

People, I am getting nervous about the move. Like, really nervous.

There is so much to do, that I don't even know where to start. So much packing. So much throwing away of things. Finding a house [and the argument that has come up between M & I -- to buy or not to buy]. The job situation, or lack thereof. And just -- MOVING.

Moving is stressful.

I think what terrifies me the most is starting over. I'm no stranger to starting over, at all. We moved -- A LOT -- when I was a kid. My dad was a computer engineer so we went where the jobs were. Washington. Utah. Oregon. Back to Washington. Florida. Back to Washington. Moves within the state. My four years at college was the longest I had ever been in ONE place. For a long time, I was used to adjusting [we weren't even Army!!]

But we have been here for a while now. Seven years, which in military terms is practically a LIFETIME. When I first moved here, I was able to find some good friends, one in particular, S, who was my mutual lifeline back home. We were both from Washington, and actually knew quite a lot of the same people. We were introduced by another mutual friend & with our husbands deploying together [another coincidence] we were inseparable. I was introduced to a couple other people through my husband [wives of his friends] and found my own group of friends through a job & social events. "Hey, I like your bra!" was one of my pickup lines at a baseball game almost seven years ago. C & I have been friends ever since.

A lot of those early friendships have come & gone. S moved back to Seattle, ended up getting divorced & left the military wife life all together. While we still keep in touch, the communication isn't nearly what it used to be. Some friendships came to ugly ends. Others just faded over time, as friendships sometimes do. All of this is OK. It happens. LIFE happens. ESPECIALLY in a military town where people are coming and going with the wind.

But somewhere along the way I found my groove, so to speak. We found a really great group of people that have constantly been so supportive of our lives. Not to mention they are just truly amazing people. When I got pregnant & had Lucas, it was such a huge shift in our lifestyle. A very, very good one, but a lesson to learn none the less. As a full time working mom, battling post-partum depression and figuring out how to balance my child with my life with my husband with my job, things changed. There wasn't time for much of a social life, nor did we really want one. Suddenly the get-together's we used to have with beer pong tournaments [oh yes. I am AMAZING at beer pong. I promise you this!!!] and late night cookouts with all of our other couple friends [with the occasional group of singles mingling in!] just weren't appealing. It was all I could to do get up, get my kid to daycare, go to work, pick him up, get him home, feed him, bath him, make dinner for M & I. When there WAS free time, it was spent calling family I hadn't talked to in weeks. Worrying about the health of my grandfather. Responding to emails. Trying to spend a few minutes with my OWN husband before falling into bed. Or just breathing, trying to keep the crazy that was swirling in my head at bay.

Any communication I got from the outside world was welcome, although I wasn't very good at responding, aside from the occasional text message. But this group -- this wonderful, wonderful group that we had established pre-baby -- they understood this. There was no judgement for not keeping in touch. No anger for missing an event or leaving early. We don't talk behind each others backs & be nice to each others faces. They have given me a place to stay when I needed it. They have offered to watch the kiddo so M & I can get away for a night. They drop off soup when we are sick & offer to pick up some groceries if they are out. They check in knowing that it may be a while before either one of us gets back to them. They offer support when something goes wrong & are encouraging when we open up about things we had been keeping to ourselves. They love our child like their own, cry with us, celebrate with us, and understand when they need to be put on the back-burner for a bit so we can get our own life back on track.

They love us & we love them. They are our family. No matter how far away we end up moving, THESE people will be in our lives forever.

But still, I will miss them. Starting over somewhere new again is much harder in your 30's. Making QUALITY friends at this age is tough. I'm not the open book that I used to be, and I'm trying much harder to be a little more protective of our life. Putting myself out there again is scary & not something I am really looking forward to. It will be easy to get into the mindset of "we aren't going to be here for long, so what's the point?" and I am going to try and not do that. I NEED a social life, even if it's just a lunch date once a month!

But. I will miss my peeps. And even though the Army is going to send us all our ways this year [it seems we are ALL moving -- not just my family] I love these people. They know I love them. They know who they are. And I hope that my husband is prepared for my already WAY TOO MANY text messages to sky rocket. Sorry babe :)

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Recipe Roundup*

I wanted to share a recipe that we did recently, but than I realized I have cooked so many good things lately, that I might as well just share them ALL! Because who doesn't love good food, right? I know, for me, that I am always in need of quick, easy recipes for dinner at night. Being a working mom & a wife to a soldier, my schedule is so insanely crazy that I don't have time to go home & think about what to do for dinner. I NEED to have a plan.

And usually, that plan needs to consist of something that I can make in 30 minutes or less, because really, that's all the time I have to get us fed. With the transition into summer, some of these will get shelved for a while, I think, as we move into more salads and grill-friendly meals. But, we have just started to have warmer weather, so most of these will get one more go around the menu before we move onto something else:

1. Mexican Slow Cooked Pork Carnitas. This is a Skinny Taste recipe and one that is TO DIE FOR. We don't eat a lot of pork in our house, and I have made this with chicken before, but I have to admit, it tastes better with the pork. This was an easy recipe to make, especially since it's a crock pot recipe, which meant I could throw it in before work in the morning & let it cook all day. You can't beat a dinner that's ready for you when you get home.

2. Homemade Cheeseburger Helper. This recipe isn't going anywhere anytime soon. Quick. Easy. Insanely delicious. Excellent comfort food. I see this happening frequently as it's a big request from the husband. We were having it weekly for a while there!

3. Pan Fried Chicken with Corn & Tomato Summer Salad. There's nothing fancy or original about this recipe, but it's another quick & easy one for weeknights that are a little hectic, or weekends when I don't want to spend a lot of time cooking. It's simple & classic, with items that I usually have on hand in the kitchen 100% of the time.

4. Skillet Lasagna. I love pasta. Way more than I should. I admit that I am an emotional eater and I love a good comfort food. If I can find a low calorie (well, lower than normal) comfort food, even better. This is one of those dishes. Easy and yummy! Not to mention a little bit better on the waist line.

5. Baked Spaghetti Squash with Cheese. We LOVE spaghetti squash in our house! LOVE. Neither my husband and I had actually tried it until this past winter, but once we did, we couldn't get enough. This is another GREAT comfort food that is incredibly low calorie & leaves lots of room for embellishment. I've doubled the amount of spinach, thrown in some ground turkey or chicken, added extra veggies -- a great, easy dish. A little more time consuming because you have to bake the squash for an hour before assembling the dish, but worth it.

Enjoy!

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Girls Weekend in Savannah!

A while back, my amazingly awesome friend Lauren & I decided that since we were both parting way [*sniff. sniff*] in the coming months because of military moves, that we needed a girls weekend together. Lauren is, hands down, one of my best friends here in town, and easily earns that title as well in the rest of my life. While it was our struggle with infertility that brought us together, my life has been better with her in it these past couple of years & I am trying to not think about the fact that we won't be living just a couple minutes from each other after May.

Sorry husbands. You thought our texting was bad before?

Just you wait.

So with what's to come, we knew we needed to maximize our time together! We took off to Savannah, GA, for the weekend with another very good girlfriend of mine (my awesome birth buddy, Jenny, who held my hand & cheered me on during Lucas's delivery). We arrived late Friday night, checked into the hotel and got some rest! For me, it was a much needed weekend away, as well as some great quality time with amazing women!

Saturday morning we got up, got ready, ate an overpriced breakfast at the hotel that we thought (according to the website, AHEM!) was free (it wasn't) and hit the town. We had all been to Savannah before, which made the trip a little easier. We drove to the Visitor Center & hopped on the Trolley Tour, which gave us not only a great overview of the city, but also easy access to the historic district without having to figure out the parking situation. The tour was fun, entertaining & educational! Since two of the three of us had been former Girl Scouts, we did make a quick stop at the Juliet Gordon Low House to do the tour. Also educational! YAY EDUCATION!

The weather was perfect. We really could not have asked for a better Saturday to explore the town. It was warm & sunny; sunscreen was definitely in order (I missed a couple of spots. Whoops.) but because we are still early in the year, the nasty Southern humidity had not kicked in. It was a perfect combination for a really great day and I think we all enjoyed the time together.

Savannah has quickly become one of my favorite cities to visit. This was the third time I have been, and every time I fall a little more in love with it. The old world charm. The history. The gorgeous, gorgeous homes that I will never be able to own in a million years (trust me. Zillow told me so. Jenny & I spent about an hour on the iPad looking up beautiful, beautiful homes.) I could spend an entire weekend just walking around the city, taking photos of all the amazing architecture and gorgeous scenery. One of the things I am looking forward to most in our upcoming move is that we will be a little bit closer to this wonderful city. A mere two and a half hours away; doable for a day trip or a short weekend without feeling rushed or travel weary. The husband is a big fan of Savannah as well, so I see many frequent trips in the next couple of years.

We attempted to head over to Tybee Island, but because it was so gorgeous out, apparently everybody else had the same idea. About 10 miles to the lighthouse, we got stuck in bumper to bumper traffic that wasn't really moving. We turned around and headed back to the historic district, and then quickly decided that we should head back to the hotel to rest for an hour/freshen up before dinner.

Oh yes, y'all. Paula Deen was calling our name.

Dinner was at The Lady & Sons restaurant in the historic district. We had ALL eaten there before, and it was definitely a given that we would be eating there again. Let me tell you all -- it was worth it. Every calorie that filled me up & kept me full for the next two days was amazingly worth it. I could have rolled out of there and probably should have just walked the five miles back to the hotel. The food was, as always, amazing. Can I say amazing one more time? It was amazing.

We all slept very well that night, and slept in quite a bit the next morning. It was 8:30 before we woke up (a time that I KNOW Lauren and I don't get to sleep past too often!) on Sunday morning. We took our time packing up our things & headed to Clary's for breakfast -- a local hotspot with lots of history and connections. The food was good (of course it was) and our belly's were content on the ride back home.

All in all, a truly great weekend. I am so blessed to have amazing friends like these two and my heart hurts knowing that we won't have many more times like this in the future. I am grateful for the opportunity we had over the weekend! As I said, it was much needed and beneficial for my soul. Also, any excuse to get to Savannah is a good one in my book!

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