July 10, 2015

Hi There.

Well .... hi.

Oh man. Three months? THREE. That's ... a lifetime in the blogging world. Is anybody even still out there anymore? Probably like, two of you. Hi.

Man, you guys ... life. In so many ways. I can't even begin to wrap my head around what has happened to us since APRIL, and I probably won't even try. There are days where I think I need to just stop with this blog, but there are other parts of me that find writing so therapeutic that I want to keep it. Also? I am enjoying getting our travels down, even if it is six months later.

So we are just going to jump right in. What has happened since April? First off, Lucas turned three. THREE. Technically in March, but I never wrote about it, so here we are. I have so much writing to do, and I most definitely want to get that down. So I will. So I currently have an almost 18 month old and an almost 3 1/2 year old, and my life is insane with these two.

Solo parenting. I do this a lot. A LOT. More than anybody realizes, because I never talk about it. Probably the only two people who know how often my husband is gone is my husband. And then probably my Mom after that. I really need to find some more play groups and meet some more I people, because man ... all the loneliness that comes with being solo all the time is wearing me down.

My mom. She's moving back to the states. Like, next week. I can't even write about this because I get choked up, but this past year here with us has been so wonderful. For me. For her. For the boys. But right now, I can't talk about that, so I'll come back to that one eventually. You know, six months from now ;)

I wish I could say that these past three months have been filled with amazing stories and wonderful adventures -- and yes, they have! A little bit! We visited Garmisch, which is an insanely gorgeous region in Southern Germany. We spent five days in Italy. We've seen castles and hikes and explored more of our own area. I still love it here so much. But, I also have two CRAZY children, who suck every bit of life force out of me during the day! Most days, it's a struggle to get out of bed and get going. I want to sleep. They want to run a marathon. At 5:30 a.m. But, you know, coffee & concealer! (Maybe that's what I should name my blog?? Ha!)

As always, I'm going to vow to write more. If only for my sanity. The mommy shuffle get's exhausting sometimes, doesn't it? It's a hard balance trying to do what I need for me, and doing what I need to do for my family. I'm a work in progress. Toddler years are hard, man. But, here's hoping I'm around a lot more often.

xoxo

April 11, 2015

Salzburg, Austria


Ok so one of my goals is to be MUCH better about blogging, and getting things up in a timely manner. DEFINITELY plan to get posts up quicker when it comes to our trips, because really, I love sharing our experiences here!

So -- SALZBURG! Gorgeous, gorgeous Austria.

Home to the Sound of Music, in all it's glory. This was a total nerd trip that my mom and I took over a weekend back in November. We had been wanting to go somewhere together, so we left Lucas with my husband for the weekend, packed up the baby and made the insanely gorgeous drive to Austria for a long weekend. Now, my husband loves to travel as much as the next person, but we have very different ideas of "vacation" (HIM: I want to sit in the hotel or resort and sleep/eat/drink/do nothing. ME: We have to do ALL THE THINGS! EVER!) and as this one was more of a sight seeing trip, it was the perfect one for me & my mom. Plus -- THE SOUND OF MUSIC!

I had been to Salzburg before, in High School when I came to Europe for a month, and I very much remember it being one of my favorite destinations during that trip. I was so excited to get back, spend some more time there, and do some wonderful sightseeing. If you haven't been to Salzburg before, or haven't ever thought of going, I'm going to change your mind. Not only is it gorgeous, but the history is amazing. So many historical figures come from Salzburg (most notably, Mozart, and if you are interested, you can tour his home while you are there, as well as see the other home that he was born in). Obviously, the largest tourist draw to Salzburg is the Sound of Music. The movie was filmed here, and is based (very, very loosely, we found out) on the famous Von Trapp family. I mean like, VERY loosely. I don't want to burst your Sound of Music bubble (because mine definitely was busted) but a few key things we learned were that the timeline was way off. Also, the Von Trapp family didn't flee Austria. They eventually left, but of their own free will and with no threat to them. ALSO, if they HAD actually flown Austria over the mountain like they did in the movie, they would have walked straight into Eagles Nest. Aka, Hitlers palace. So. There you have it.


With that said, when we were booking our place to stay, I did a quick search and found out that the original Von Trapp home WAS NOW A BED AND BREAKFAST. You guys -- we stayed in Maria's suite -- the rooms that she lived in while she was teaching the children. Where she slept & spent her personal time. And probably even better? Where (we found out as we were leaving) Julie Andrews had also spent the weekend just two weeks prior, as she was there celebrating her birthday. It was gorgeous, the food was wonderful, and even though we were about ten minutes by car from the main historical area, it was worth the experience and to be able to say we stayed at the original Von Trapp Villa. Despite my bubble being burst, I'm still a nerd, and still love the movie.

The hiiillllllssss are alliiiivvveeeeeeeeeeeee ..... sorry, I digress.

Salzburg itself is so amazingly beautiful. The historical district sits on a river, and has wonderful shopping and food. My mom & I did a LOT of walking over two days. One of the things that I love best about my mom when traveling with her is that she wants to do it all & see it all, much like myself! We found some amazing shops, ate yummy food, drank some good wine and both left feeling like we saw everything that we needed to see. If you do go to Salzburg, I do recommend the hop on/hop off bus. This was a great way to see the city over a large distance. Plus it gives you the ability to get off at a sight you are interested in, check it out, and then head elsewhere. This was especially helpful for us as it was a) cold and b) I had Max with me. He would nap on the bus and it would give me a break from carrying his chunky butt around! The tour also covered alot of information about the Sound of Music, and took you to many of the main sights in the movie.


Once we had explored most of the main historic area, we took the elevator up the hill, and landed ourselves with an amazing view of the city and the river. We walked, found an old castle and ate some great food (and wine, of course! Always wine!)

I love Salzburg, and ideally would like to get back there again before we move away from this amazing place, but I am glad that we were able to see it, and that my mom was able to do so with me! Of all the things we have done so far while living here, this was one of my favorites. If you ever get a chance to go, do so! It truly is gorgeous!


March 29, 2015

Plans & Such

Hey guys!

Man, ok so, one of my big goals these coming months is to take more time for myself. I REALLY miss writing. I have a very, very good friend (one of the best ones I have!) who writes over at Raising Chaos. She writes an occasional series called Monday Morning Coffee Date and it has really inspired me to just WRITE like I used to. Have a conversation and try to be less calculated about all of this. That was never my forte anyways. So -- I miss writing. I miss getting words to paper, so to speak. I want to write more, and I've taken a step back on some other social media platforms, so I need to get things down somewhere! Let's do it.

We have had a LOT going on in our household lately. Max turned one. Lucas turned three. My husbands job keeps him busy. Lucas started a new pre-school, so there is a lot of running around that goes with that. We also potty-trained Lucas, which is another blog post that will be up soon. Because man -- potty training. BLAH.

One of the things I am excited about is starting tomorrow, I will be doing 21-Day fix and starting fresh with T25 workouts. I started the workouts a couple of weeks ago, but Max & I got derailed with some food poisoning (while my husband was out of town, no less. Isn't that always how it happens?) So I'm starting over, have an awesome Coach who will be pushing me along the way, and a couple other friends who are joining me on the journey. My brother is getting married this fall, and I want to look my best. I have a LONG road ahead of me, with a goal of a 60 pound weight loss. It seems daunting and scary and a little overwhelming, but I'm determined. Has anybody else done either of these before? How was your success? Share your stories (and favorite recipes!) with me in the comments! Either way, I'm looking forward to it. My goal is to post my meals, photos and workouts every week to keep me accountable! Feel free to check in with me. I'm happy to share.

Aside from that, we are still loving it here. We have some great travel plans coming up -- Garmisch, a weekend in Switzerland, Lithuania later in the year -- and I have some catching up to do on trips we've taken the past few months (slacker!). Be on the lookout. We are inching closer and closer to the end of our first year here, which is so hard to believe. I can't believe how fast we have gone, how much we have done but at the same time, how little we have done. We are going to make the most of this next year here!

How are you doing? Looking forward to being around more!

February 4, 2015

Keepin' It Real: The Emotional Turmoil of Being a SAHM

A few weeks ago, I was at the grocery store with the kids when I inadvertently ran into somebody that I kind of knew. We weren't friends, but knew of each other through other groups. She of course looked pristine, put together, HAD PROBABLY SHOWERED. Her kid was dressed and was sitting perfectly quiet in the shopping cart.

Me, on the other hand, looked a little something like this: yoga pants that I'm sure hadn't been washed in a week (or longer.) Hair was messy as hell and barely situated on top of my head. No makeup. Old (probably maternity) shirt that had a hole in it. Ugg boots. I most definitely had not showered any time in the recent past. My kids? Screaming at the top of their lungs and fighting over the steering wheels in the "race car" cart. Did I mention that it was well past noon? The look on her face was somewhere between disgust and pity. Needless to say, we didn't talk long, Or really at all. I think we exchanged pleasantries and moved on. Who could blame her? I was a hot fucking mess.

The sad truth to this is that it wasn't just a bad day. That scenario I described is almost every single day of my life. My kids are shitty sleepers. I'm often up multiple times a night, and typically up for good by 6am. Lucas has been anti-nap for quite a while now, and even on the rare occasion when I can get him to take one, it's NEVER at the same time as Max. My husband's job means lots of travel, which equates to solo parenting for weeks at a time. By the time the kids go to bed (sometimes 10pm after a two hour fight with my oldest) WHO WANTS TO SHOWER WHEN YOU CAN SLEEP? Not this girl.

If you do a search on Pinterest, or google, or wherever, for life as a SAHM, you'll quickly find that most of these blogs or articles are filled with ways to stay busy. How great it is. Or how to make money (for reals). How to apply flawless makeup (FOR REALS). Budgets! Crafts! The usual. But very rarely (I had to dig deep) did I find anything about the emotional turmoil that comes with being at home with small kids. Something HONEST. I mean, there were a few, but typically it was paired with an article about giving yourself a break (which you should), letting go, not worrying (easier said than done) and about how just being present for your kids is the most important thing. Which, is all true, but doesn't solve the problem of finding the time for everything else that needs to be accomplished on the daily, or more importantly, finding time for yourself. There's a trifecta in parenthood -- clean house, happy kids, your sanity -- and it's completely impossible to have all three at once.

But, I'm all about keepin' it real, so let's do just that, shall we? When we made the decision for me to stay at home, Lucas was about 18 months old, and I was about six months pregnant with Max. We knew we would be PCS'ing, and shortly after I left my job we found out we were coming here. Since that decision, it has been a challenge. I won't lie in saying that I would much rather be working. But where we are, this isn't necessarily an option, and that's fine! So we make the best of the situation (and being able to pick up and travel all over Europe at the drop of a hat isn't a bad perk to being here!). But here's the truth -- being here, at home, all day (and often alone) is hard. It's taxing on my emotions. It's exhausting. It's isolating. There is very little escape. Day in and day out, my life is about somebody else. Obviously, this comes with the territory of having kids, and I don't regret that. But I will also admit that it's not always ideal.

My days are often filled with every emotion imaginable. On any given day I feel like a volcano waiting to erupt, with only an egg shell to keep me together. When my husband comes home, or calls at the end of the day and asks me how my day went, I can feel that eggshell start to crack and it takes everything I have to keep it together. My kids, man, are busy. Lucas is a particular challenge, and I spend a good part of the day defending his brother from him. This is an issue that I am not sure how to deal with, and I don't know if it's normal boy toddler behavior, but the maliciousness towards Max is rampant. Dealing with it is exasperating. Max is still up nightly, anywhere between one and three times during the course of an evening. Lucas hates naps, hates bedtime, and fights me on everything. Hour long tantrums in our household are the norm. Our preschool teacher back in NC once referred to Lucas as "the cutest little hurricane you've ever seen." Because that's what he is. A hurricane. Max, I am afraid, is not far behind him. My heart alters between undying love for my children and wanting to run far, far away as fast as is humanly possible. It's a roller coaster of feelings, and let me tell you -- that will wear a person down.

Nobody wants to hear you complain about your kids. This is the stuff that dreams are made of, right? If I do take to the usual platforms to complain or vent, it's often replied to by remedy's. Or personal tales of how their kids don't do those things.

Or just ... crickets.


But here's the truth, and, I know some won't like this -- I don't necessarily want to hear about how GREAT your kids are, either, and how much you love it, what wonderful, stress free days you have. At least not ALL THE TIME. Am I happy for you that it's so easy? Sure. But do I think you're being 100% truthful? No way. So therein lies a massive problem in the SAHM community; we isolate moms who may be having a tough time, and who may be struggling emotionally in the home because we glorify life AS a stay-at-home-mom. Who wants to talk about how you got bitched slapped by your three year old when somebody else is talking about what a wonderful, calm and educational environment you have created at home? I have yet to meet the perfect infant or toddler, yet so many out there pretend that life is, in fact, perfect. So why speak up if we are struggling when we know we will just be met with those glaring eyes at the grocery store when we can't get it together? I don't want your perfection anywhere near me, judging me for not having showered in a week & thinking I am ungrateful for the experience handed to me.

Plain and simple, I don't want your sympathy. I want your empathy. I don't want you to say "I'm sorry you are dealing with that. We don't have that problem." I want you to say "Dude, my kid was an asshole the other day, too. I UNDERSTAND."

It's safe to say that life is not all bad. We have a lot of great moments, snuggle sessions and activities that fill our days. It's easy, however, to let the bad overshadow the good. My worst days are the days that I am here, alone, for long stretches with out any reprieve, and I don't have anybody to help me with the mutiny that is always brewing. That's when my glorious babysitter steps in, or the hourly daycare place I drive 45 minutes to just for a break from have two hellions running around the house. Or my sweet, sweet husband who sends me to the grocery store along (BLISS) on the weekends he is here and on occasion, my mom who can make it over for a weekend or so. I live for bedtime and the silence that comes with it, and I dread the morning when I know it's the beginning of another marathon I'm not always sure I can endure.

So here is my advice to you; hug a stay-at-home-mom. Or just, you know, A MOM IN GENERAL. Especially the ones with multiple littles. Open yourself up. Be honest. Even if your life is perfect, LIE. Try to relate to the struggles that someone may be going through, because sometimes, all we need to do is get it out. Keeping this mess locked up inside us doesn't help anybody, and one day, that egg shell is going to break, exposing the volcano that is a mental & physical breakdown. Parenting is really fucking hard, and by keeping your experience to yourself just for the sake of saving face, you push away those close to you that may need an outlet. Don't be pretentious. Don't be perfect. Just be real.

And for god's sake -- bring her wine.