November 16, 2017

So Here We Are

It's hard to pick up writing again when you haven't done it for so long, but I'm working to get back into the swing of things as I figure out what exactly I want to say, what direction I want to take this blog in, and I guess sort of figure out my life!

But let's get caught up, shall we??

As I previously mentioned, we are back in the states after three WONDERFUL years being stationed in Germany. Our new life landed us here in Colorado, and we could not be happier with where we ended up. Those who know me know that this is the place I always wanted to get back to. My time here during Graduate School was much too short, but when opportunity knocks, you answer, and my opportunity took me out of state.

I have ALWAYS wanted to come back.

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Our end goal was always Colorado. It was where we were going to come after retirement, but the Army got us here sooner, and with only a handful of years left. So this is where we are staying.

I have to say, though, that leaving Germany was not at all what I expected it to be. Colorado is the duty station everybody dreams of, and we were thrilled that this was where we were ending up next. I thought I was going to be happy to leave Germany ... but I wasn't. Being there was bittersweet; we loved everything about the country, and Europe as a whole. The travel was, obviously, amazing. The culture and mindset fit our family. We had wonderful experiences that we will never forget, and I can't wait to dive into that more, and write about the experiences I neglected here in this space.

But, there were so many times where I was lonely and unhappy.  I LOATHED staying home. My husband was gone all the time. It took me a good long while to find my niche and my "tribe" because I had babies, and going out to brunch with the girls wasn't always feasible. But I found them. I learned to be happy there, and we eventually made amazing friends that I cherish and miss terribly.

Suddenly, leaving became extremely difficult.

I cried my way through the airport on our journey home, and for about two months the tears didn't stop. When we moved to Germany, Lucas was just two and a half, and Max was six months old. They were babies, and don't remember life before Germany. They took it just about as hard as I did. They missed their friends, and their school. Poor sweet Lucas spent just about as much time crying as I did, finding the adjustment equally as difficult. What was happening?? The kids, I understood. The only life they remembered had been uprooted -- all of their belongings packed into crates and taken away, not to be seen for two months. An extremely long day of travel. A new house, in a new place, with a new school and a not very friendly new environment (bonus to stairwell living, guys. You will know your neighbors on day one, and will find friends shortly after.)

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But me? Why was this so difficult? I was sad. I would call my neighbor from Germany, who had also moved unexpectedly a week before we did and we would just sob with each other. This was exactly where I wanted to be and yet, it wasn't.

I won't lie -- five months into this move, it's still difficult, although getting better. Lucas is finally settled at school and the "I hate it here's" have lessened, however i *truly* thought I would be working by now, and I am not. So here I am, stuck at home most days which isn't ideal, struggling to meet people because that's just how I am. Making friends fast has never been a skill of mine. And SHOCKER, my husband still isn't around. But we are working through it, making the best of it, and I'm messing up left and right as we figure out our new life.

We WILL get there. I didn't expect it to take this long, but every day is better. I still miss Germany. LIKE CRAZY, y'all. I still miss my amazing, wonderful family we adopted during our time there. Nothing can replace that experience, and my mentality is shifting from replacing to creating a new experience. We truly do love it here, and we have an opportunity to raise our boys in a really wonderful community, giving them the outdoor experience that we both love. There is no shortage of things to do here, and we know this is home. I'm learning to be kind to my feelings, but also am working on telling myself to get out of this funk & enjoy everything we have here.

The rest will come in time.

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October 2, 2017

A Year Later --

It's hard to believe that it's been a year since I last wrote on this space. The story is the same -- life got in the way, I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with this space, and in fact, I recently considered deleting it all together.

But life has thrown us an interesting curve ball lately, and I have too much time on my hands. I miss writing, and I miss having a place to put my thoughts down. I don't know who is still out there, or if anybody will even see this, but for my sanity, for the time being  ... I just needed to write.

So here we are. This space is close to my heart, has so much history -- and I don't think I could ever just leave it. So we might as well utilize it.

To catch anybody up, we have been back in the states for about three months now. That's a story for a different day, but we are loving our new duty station and are working on loving our new life. It's been a rough transition, but here we are.

If you're around, say hi!

September 22, 2016

So ... Where Have I Been?

This space has been so random for so long. Truth be told? I almost deleted it. Wiped it clean and considered starting over somewhere new. But when it came down to it, I couldn't.

I love this space.

It's been mine for many years now, and taken me through so much. Lucas's early life is all here. Max's, not to much. That's my fault, and well, motherhood really. Then we moved, and I just sort of lost control of my life.

I had grand plans of sharing all of our adventures here in Germany (yes, we are still here), but things just didn't go the way I expected them to. Staying at home with two CRAZY, crazy boys is a lot. My husband travels way too much for work, and I sort of found myself in this place where I wasn't really moving. Same things, every day ... over, and over, and over again. Everything I loved sort of fell to the wayside, and I figured out how to much make it through the day.

But I recently decided that enough was enough. It was time to take my life back, as much as I could. Do things that *I* love again, and that includes writing. I did a very poor job these last two years of making time for myself. So enough is enough.

Writing is one of the things I have missed the most. I have always enjoyed it, and for many years, writing here, or my last blog, was cathartic for me. A way to just feel at ease with my life, and spend some time with my thoughts. I look forward to doing that again.

There won't be anything fancy or crazy here. Mostly just me writing. I recently started the Keto Diet, and am loving how easy it is (I should have done this so long ago!) so perhaps some food recipes and such. Pictures of the boys for sure. But mostly me, taking my life back.

Thanks for sticking around, those of you who have. I'm glad to be back. 

September 8, 2016

Work in Progress

I don't even know if anybody is still around, but .... I miss writing.

More to come, my friends, but I am in the process of making some changes, and working on writing again. If you have stuck around, are still following, and still checking in, I appreciate you.

Ignore the mess for now, while I adjust and fix some aspects. I should be up and running by next week.



December 10, 2015


This is the tenth post I've written in 2015.


This is shameful.

I've been contemplating what to do with this space for so long. Life these days is insane. I mean, an almost two year old and a three and a half year old, both currently home all day with me, leaves little time for much of anything. Earlier this year I quit Jamberry and transitioned into being a Presenter with Younique, with a mindset of "all in." Between the boys, and the business, and the husband, it doesn't leave much time for anything else. But if I'm being honest, it makes me sad.

I miss writing.

Last year when we moved here, I had this grand intention of turning this into a travel blog, mixed with Parenting nuggets, and still, in the back of my head, I want to do these things! But do I get caught up on all the travels we've taken this past year? Do I just start from scratch and fill in where I can? Do you REALLY want to read about what terrors my two toddler boys are? IS ANYBODY STILL EVEN OUT THERE? As it stands, I have one sitting at my feet, tugging on my sweater, crying his eyes out. Because it's been two whole minutes since I glanced his way. I'm sure having toys flung in my direction is coming next. THIS IS WHAT I DEAL WITH.

I'm just not sure. I love this space, and it's been mind for so long now, that I can't bring myself to abandon it completely. But at the same time, I am sure most of you have already moved on and forgotten. Which is my fault. I really, really want to make more time for writing.

I'm hoping some things change in the new year -- school for the boys, for starters, giving me a few hours a day of time to take care of ME and the things I miss/love. But, that's not a guarantee in the near future. But man, I really miss writing. I just really don't know where to go from here.

Stay tuned ... I guess.