October 20, 2010

Um, Time? Where Did You Go?

Hey there. It's the 20th already? Seriously? I don't believe you.

Where has this time gone?? I feel like this month has FLOWN by, and I'm not quite ready for the things that are about to come!

But part of me also is. I very much need a change, and I think that change is a-comin'. We got some potentially good news about the future of our location, and are just waiting on any sort of final decision to be made. Which, in my husbands industry could take a while. But it's a step in the right direction, and a step towards getting out of where we are at now.

I have also scheduled quite a few photography sessions with some new clients in the coming months. Something that makes me happy, because I very much enjoy that aspect of my life. I look forward to the day when I can do it full time. Again, hopefully something that will happen sooner rather than later due to necessity. I'm ok with that.

Maybe it's my happier outlook on life [thank you, prozac!] or just the possibility of a better future. But things seem to be looking up. Even if the days are FLYING by quicker than I can handle.

October 6, 2010

Figuring It Out

I've hit a wall.

Figuratively speaking, of course. I would never actually hit a wall. Not on purpose. But emotionally? Brittany -- meet wall.

I am tired of my life here. Of course, not of my life with my husband. I love him, and I am happy in that respect. But my job? Where we live? The lack of things to do? The petty bullshit that I have to put up with on a day to day basis? I'm over it. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I am emotionally DRAINED. And while the prozac that my doctor just prescribed to me may help, I don't think it will solve all of my problems.

I want out of here. Unfortunately for us, we are not in the position to just up and move. My husbands job does not allow it, and though we are trying our hardest to find a way, I don't see it happening anytime soon. And THAT is so frustrating. BEYOND WORDS frustrating. Not having a choice in where we want to live, or where we want to be is obnoxious. But unfortunately, the life that we live.

I'm trying, very hard, to reach out to other spouses in the area who go through what we are going through. To find good in where we are. I have a side photography business that I am going to start pimping out again, because I would LOVE to get enough work in the next couple of months to feel like I am accomplishing something. What would be even better would be if I could QUIT my current job and do that full time.


Giving up that guaranteed (& good!) salary is difficult.

So ... I NEED SOMETHING. Anything. To get me through. So the digging begins, and the attempt to BUCK UP & stop wallowing in my pity starts now. Much easier said than done, especially since the prozac takes a couple of weeks to kick in, but I'll get there. I HAVE to get there. This despair that I feel? It's not fun living. Something has got to give.