January 28, 2011

Waivering Optimism*

I found this image on this week's Post Secret. I did not send it in, but I could have. Easily.

I've sort of down lately about our whole situation. Which makes me angry because just a few weeks ago I was so upbeat about it.

The nurse at the RE Clinic here on post called me the day after my referral in early January. For whatever reason, the clinic here on Fort Bragg makes you go to a group orientation prior to having any sort of actual appointment.

And of course they only do it once a month. January's was perfectly scheduled during our trip home to the Northwest.

February's isn't until the 24th. So. There's that.

It's disappointing because I am so ready to get this show on the road. I'm tired of waiting, and yet here I am ... waiting some more. Meanwhile, my life has been bombarded with pregnancy announcement from friends and our trip home was full of questions from family as to why we hadn't produced any grandchildren or great grandchildren yet. Thanks for the added pressure, people.

And while I'm so very, very happy for friends who have an easy time getting pregnant, who don't have to go through the waiting and frustration that we do, I won't lie when I say it stings just a little to hear "I'm pregnant!" followed by "it was so easy," and "we weren't really trying."

And it doesn't seem to be going right for anybody that I know currently going through fertility treatments. Failed IVF's, husbands deployed for a year putting any chance of a pregnancy on hold, delayed appointments ... it's somewhat emotional these days, and not just for myself. I hate being in this bitter stage, but it is what it is I guess.

We have all been there, and I know that my optimism will win me over again one of these days. But I've barely scratched the surface of this whole process and I'M tired of it. I can't imagine what my friends feel like that have been doing this so much longer than I have.


Jessa said...

*hugs* I wrote a post like this not all that long ago and I so very much know what you are feeling right now. Come on February!

Anonymous said...

I hope the time passes as quickly as possible :)

As one friend that has been at this a while... I can tell you it f*#&ing sucks. <3 For those less hopeful days and even for the hopeful ones I am here if you need anything!!

Hil Fish said...

I hate that bs platitude that everthing happens for a reason. Life is not fair, and is random. Why peronalize your pain and make it for some for grand martydom cause? It sucks, let it suck and wait for the day the suckage is not sucking you under. xo