September 26, 2011

Sixteen Weeks*

I know I promised a bump shot this week, but I didn't get to it. And I'm not feeling it quite yet either. Maybe next week. I swear.

The truth of the matter is this week has been rough. I know that I'm supposed to say that pregnancy is joyous & happy & flowers & rainbows all the time. And for the most part, it is. We are still beyond excited about this baby and are looking forward to March [although it seems to be coming quicker than we are prepared for!]. But the truth is, I am jealous of these women who have said that they LOVED pregnancy, & it was so wonderful for them the entire time.

Because it sure as hell hasn't been like that for me.

I know that a lot of my readers are from the Infertility community and let me stress again that after three and a half years of trying for Baby W, it's a huge blessing that we are at this point. And I don't blame you if you get pissed and leave for me complaining. I was/am totally one of those women who would say "Bitch, be grateful you have morning sickness because I would kill to be puking my brains out!" But this shit is hard. I have been miserable since day one. I suffered from some pretty serious nausea during the first trimester, and the pelvic & hip pain that I currently have is borderline unbearable. I am in pain every time I take a step, or move wrong, or lift my leg the wrong way to do something. My midwife says that this is normal, unfortunately, so I am trusting her that there is nothing seriously wrong. The hip pain I can get through. But I feel like I've been punched in my vagina and the surrounding area. Then throw in the back pain, heartburn and constipation, and well ... I'm just a regular ball of fun.

I am hoping ... PRAYING ... that it gets better in the coming weeks. I think that once I feel movement, I'll be more bearable when it comes to all of this. But nobody talks about the rough parts of being pregnant which makes me feel very alone in what my body is going through. I'm tired of being miserable. And I really hope it gets better quick.

I have a super cute idea for my weekly shots, but it's a matter of getting dressed enough to feel cute! I'll work on that! Here are my fun facts for the week:

How Far Along? 16 weeks, 3 days.
Total Weight Gain/Loss: Still down those 10 pounds. I'm starting to hope that it stays this way for a few more weeks! I have enough weight to lose when I'm NOT pregnant, that hopefully my overall gain won't be too much.
Maternity Clothes? I love maternity pants. So much. I can now see why so may women swear by them even post-baby.
Stretch Marks? No new ones!
Sleep: I slept a little heavier this week, mostly due to being plain exhausted by the end of the day. I don't think I stayed up past 9:30 one night this week.
Best Moment of the Week? Meeting my new midwife who is AMAZING. I am so glad that I was finally able to get away from my crappy hospital and be with a clinic who truly cares about their patients. She is fabulous.
Miss Anything? Cuddling with my husband at night. I have so many damn pillows to help keep me comfortable, it's like Fort Knox in the bed!
Movement: Nothing yet :(
Food Cravings: None this week!
Anything Making You Queasy or Sick? I've had a couple incidents where I've gotten queasy. But they passed quick.
Have You Started to Show Yet? Maybe?
Gender Prediction: Still boy. Although maybe leaning towards girl.
Labor Signs: No.
Belly Button In or Out: In
Wedding Rings On or Off: On.
Happy or Moody Most of the Time? Pretty happy, although being in pain makes me slightly moody.
Looking Forward To: Feeling movement!


Stevie said...

I didn't go through what you've gone through, so I am not trying to say I know...but complain away, mama! Pregnancy can be ROUGH. It can be hard on the body, mind, and heart. We all know your vocalization of your discomfort doesn't mean you're not means you're human! I would never, EVER trade Ruby for ANYTHING, but it doesn't mean that I sometimes don't find being a mother completely exasperating. Ultimately, the good FAR outweighs the bad, methinks. I truly hope you can get some relief from the hip pain (my pal, with similar pain and due about 8 weeks before you, went to the chiro and said it made a WORLD of difference for did a belly support band.) and that the other stuff eases and you actually get to enjoy the so-called "honeymoon trimester" lol. In the meantime, vent away. We're here for you, mama!

Brittany said...

Thanks love. I know you always have my back :) I've considered the belly support band and definitely see that in my future. And the hip pain I can handle ... it's the feeling like I've been punched in my vagina 20 times that's killing me. ha! Fingers crossed that it gets better and thanks for your support :)

Deborah said...

Here from ICLW - I did not know there were bohemian bleeding heart liberals in the army?!?

Anyway, congrats on the pregnancy! And don't feel bad about being so uncomfortable. I was in an infertility support group, and I actually ran into one of my group-mates in prepared childbirth classes. It was such a relief to hear her say she couldn't wait to be done with being pregnant! So I know it has *nothing* to do with not being happy/grateful that you are pregnant. I do hope it gets easier for you, though.

Julie said...

I totally thought I would love being pregnant but I didn't. It was so hard for me. What I did love and helped me through was feeling the baby. That will probably happen soon for you :)

Anonymous said...

Pregnancy is HARD or at least it was for me. I tried to enjoy every minute of it but if you ask my DH he would tell you I wasn't fun to deal with while I was pregnant.

You are embarking on a new journey becoming a parent. Ant (my DS) changed my life.

Complain as needed you have earned the right just as any other pregnant women.

Happy ICLW!


Sarah said...

I struggled with depression, anxiety and rough morning sickness as well. I could have wrote this post myself.

I always said I think once you have suffered with IF that you should have an easy pregnancy.

Hand in there and vent away, pregnancy is hard, and I feel that IF doesn't leave us once we get pregnant, it lingers on and on


Happy ICLW

Brittany said...

Thanks ladies! I appreciate all the support!!!!

And @Deborah there are a few of us!!

Anonymous said...

Feel free to complain sometimes... Yeah pregnancy is wonderful... but I hated it. I hated the smug women that would just tell me all the stories of how much they loved their pregnancies, when at the time I was fighting the urge to throw up, or had my kid's knee in my rib cage, or my pelvis felt like it was going to rip apart. My friends still laugh at me about how cranky I was during my pregnancy lol.

I did not enjoy it. But worth it? Abso-friggin-lutely.