This Friday, March 9th, we will officially hit 40 weeks in this pregnancy.
I wish that I had any kind of news that things were progressing, but as of today [Tuesday] there has been nothing aside from the occasional Braxton Hicks contraction. And I've been having those for a while. So here we sit. Waiting. We've finished the nursery. The bags are packed & in the car. The car seat is installed. I have cooked, and cooked, and cooked some more until my freezer cannot handle any more meals. I have reached new levels of discomfort. The house cleaners came today & did a deep clean on the house, so I don't even have that keep me busy.
So instead, I'm still working [although Friday will most definitely be my last day, baby or not] and I fill my evenings with The Bachelor [trash TV at it's FINEST. I mean seriously. Weren't we all hoping for a complete & total meltdown on Courtney's part at last night's Women Tell All? Meow, ladies!], Big Bang Theory & How I Met Your Mother reruns and Season One of Arrested Development on DVD. All in all, things are pretty lame around our household.
Unfortunately, with all that time on my hands to do nothing, it leaves my brain with time to wander. And I'm pretty sure I've hit a full-fledged panic mode about this kiddo making it's appearance. I know that it has to happen, and we most definitely WANT it to happen -- this is what we have spent the last four and a half years of our life waiting for. THIS moment. But I can't believe how fast these past 39 weeks have gone. June seems so far away, but at the same time, I can't believe we're already here and our lives are about to change so much. Despite all of our planning, preparation & dreaming for this moment, it has brought on a whole new set of emotions that I wasn't really prepared for.
Primarily, utter fear. Something clicked this week and I hit a couple of moments where I was completely TERRIFIED of what's to come. It was somewhat unexpected. While I know I can do this, because it's what my body was made to do, there is still that "I can't do this" feeling that creeps in. I know it's the fear and the worry, but I just can't help but let it take over for a little while. There is so much anxiety about everything and I'm trying to just relax and let nature take it's course. But not knowing when this is going to happen, I think, is aiding to all of this. The fear. The anxiety. The excitement. The worry. It's so many emotions rolled into one package. And it's a lot to deal with.
But it is what it is. And soon our mini-human will be here. All the prepping & planning, not to mention dreaming & crying for things we thought we couldn't have will be worth it.