Holy bejeebus, people. It's been a MONTH since I have written anything. It's not for lack of trying, that's for sure. Life just sort of happened. I hope you understand.
In all honesty, I needed to take some time to figure out really what I want out of my life. I mentioned last month that I'm sort of struggling with keeping it all together. Life has been a little bit of a cluster these past few months & I want to make some sort of sense of my life again. Figure out what is next & where I want to go [metaphorically speaking. Physically, I'm staying right here!]
With us being in the new year, I took December to sort of come up wtih a plan. Find out what was most important to me & what I wanted to do about it. What was making me the most unhappy & what could I do to change that? Once I figured that out, I would go from there.
My weight is something that I have always struggled with. I'm not a small girl -- never have been. Even when I was playing soccer twice a day, seven days a week, lifting weights five days a week & in the best shape of my life, I was never smaller than a size 10. And that's ok. I'm happy at that weight range.
But, I am far from that right now. I'm not a naturally small person. SO ... my goal in 2013 is to get back to that. To be HAPPY with how I look & how I feel. I know it's cliche to buy a gym membership at the beginning of the year, but it's exactly what I did & yesterday I went in for my first workout of the year.
And let me tell you, it felt good. I haven't pushed myself that hard in a long time. I LOVED IT. Which means I know I can do this and keep up with it. It's taking some coordination on the part of myself, my husband and the babysitter; the only opportunity I have to workout is immediately after work, which means Lucas either needs to stay a little later or M needs to pick him up for me. Both have said that this is fine.
There's a level of suck to this, in that it means less time with my family. Something that has bothered me in the past [not spending enough time with them] BUT, I know that my health is important, too. I have 80 pounds to lose. And being healthy and happy for my kid and for my husband is just as important as the time I spend with them.
So, for this year, I'm putting ME first. I'm counting calories. I'm working out. I'm striving to be happy & healthy. I know it will take me all year to get to where I want to be, and I know it's more about how I feel than the number on the scale. But in the end it will be worth it! I want to write about my journey here & will do so when I can. I hope it will keep me accountable.
What are your goals for 2013?