April 12, 2013

Lucas & my Grandpa

In anticipation of a weekend getaway with some girlfriends, I was cleaning off the memory card for my point and click camera. In the process, I stumbled upon all of our Christmas photos. Somehow the memory card from my big fancy camera ended up in my small point and click. Even though we are far past Christmas, I never really went through any of those photos so it was nice to see our trip back West & our time there.

In those photos, I found this:

This is the last photo I have of my Grandfather, who passed away almost exactly two months ago. This was taken on Christmas Day. I remember thinking it was so important to me to get photos of Lucas and my Grandpa together while I had the chance, because who knew if that chance would ever come again. I was right in doing so, because it never did.

This was a hard day. He was very sick at this point, and not his normal, chipper, funny self. But he lit up any chance he had to hold Lucas. This picture is so important to me in so many ways, and one that I will cherish always.

It brings tears to my eyes because it is a painful reminder of what I lost. I love my Grandpa so, so much. He was such a huge part of my life, and even writing this is hard for me. He was more of a father to me than my OWN father was and losing him leaves a huge void in my heart. I was the only family member that wasn't there when he passed, and that is a guilt that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. Getting there in time was impossible, but knowing that doesn't take away the sting of not getting to say goodbye one last time. But this photo also brings back so many amazing memories that I had with him. He loved me, and he LOVED Lucas. For me, it is apparent in this photo, and all the others I have of the two of them together.

I wish I had gotten just one more picture of me and my Grandpa together. I don't know why I didn't think to do it, but it didn't happen. But it's nice to know that there is a little piece of me sitting on that couch next to him. I miss him every. single. day. & was so blessed to have him be such an enormous part of my life.

I am so glad they had multiple chances to be in each others lives, and I am grateful for all the time he had in mine. I miss him. Always. And love him even more.

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