First and foremost, before I get into the rest of the post, I want to thank y'all for all the support of my last blog post. Holy goodness.
There was a pretty big level of fear in writing that post. The emotions that I was feeling are very hard to convey, and I was terrified of actually hitting "publish." I don't feel that I got out exactly what I wanted to say in the best of words, but I seemed to have made the point that I was trying to make. I appreciate all the lovely comments, emails & words of encouragement and I am glad that I didn't piss off too many people. Most, at least the ones that chose to be vocal, understood where I was coming from & took no offense. I was happy to see so many sides of the issues presented, without judgement, while also witnessing a great conversation unfold.
Being pregnant right now is hard. Telling people that I loved was hard. There were tears, lots of tears, and I think that this second pregnancy, in it's very short life, is loads harder than the first one was (not from a physical or mental standpoint, but from a "member of the infertility community" standpoint.) Sometimes I have a hard time accurately expressing how I feel, and how I hope I am not making others feel.
So thank you. I mean it.
So, what else has been going on? Our life has been chaotic & hectic. The Army seems to be doing wonderful things to us right now (she says sarcastically). Remember that impending move? Well, the move may be happening, just not where we had originally planned. Or at all. Or maybe still to where we thought, just with a different job in tow. We have no idea. I don't want to divulge plans, or our hopes of plans, since nothing is concrete anymore, but I am hoping that things work out in our favor. Of course, this is the Army we are talking about which means nothing ever works out in our favor (see also: stuck in NC for the past seven years.) or in a timely manner.
So who knows.
Baby-wise, I have nothing to report for the most part. I will be nine weeks this week, and haven't had much to show for it. I have had a couple days of nausea here and there & headaches early on that have, for the most part, gone away. Aside from that, my symptoms have been minimal. It's nerve-wracking and worrisome, but I have no reason to believe that anything is going wrong. It's hard to believe that we are at this point already, but at the
same time, feels like we have barely made a dent. Is nine weeks really
worth celebrating? I was looking back at some of my posts from this mark
last time, when I was pregnant with Lucas, and it was hard reading how
much sadness and despair I had (read here, here & here).
I remember it, too, being completely terrified of what MIGHT happen. I
felt that way for a long time, through most of my pregnancy, never truly
feeling like I could relax & just enjoy it. Honestly, I never did.
were other factors in that aside from the fear & worry (depression,
lots of physical pain) but they were the main focus.I'm trying to NOT
do that this time around. It's tough, I'm not going to lie. This
pregnancy has already been different & worries aside, I feel in a much better place, even now.
We are ALMOST finished remodeling our kitchen (just in time for us to move). We need to slap some paint up on the walls & we will, for the most part, be done. I can't wait to share some before & after photos. SO different than when we moved into the house five years ago.
So that's that. Fingers crossed that the Army gives us good news. If I don't hear something this week, my head might explode. And nobody wants that to happen (I don't, at least!)