A couple of weeks ago, we surpassed the 20 week mark in this pregnancy. Can we talk about how crazy that is for just a moment?
Officially, I'm 23 weeks & some change. I am not quite sure where the time has gone, AT ALL. But here we are, plugging along like everything is normal & not about to change in a big, huge, insane way. No planning. No reading. No stressing. It just .... is.
My best friend of forever is also pregnant with her second child and is due the first of November, so being back in Seattle for a couple of weeks and spending so much time with her was great. It was nice to have someone so close to me that I could relate to with this one particular thing & bounce emotions and feelings off of without sounding like I hadn't already gone through this process once. We related on some things, talked about differences between one and two, discussed the epic levels of tiredness that comes with working full time while being pregnant WHILE chasing a crazy toddler around day in and day out.
It was good.
One of the feelings that I have had recently is GUILT in the fact that we HAVEN'T done anything to prepare for this kiddo. I am not necessarily concerned that we will not be ready when baby decides to come -- we have all the essentials from the first one, so on that front we have things taken care of. There really isn't anything that we NEED for this kid. Just things we want & even THAT list is extremely short -- but the mental preperation just really isn't there, either. Again, no books. No planning. No stressing.
K said it best when she said "you feel like you're already neglecting number two and they aren't even here yet."
Yes. This exactly. Obviously, I am aware that I am pregnant, and I know that clock is ticking awfully quick as we inch closer to my due date. I think a large part of why I feel this guilt is because this pregnancy has been epic proportions of different than it was with Lucas. No sickness. No depression. No unberable physical pain. It has been smooth sailing since day one. I haven't HAD to think about it (aside from the usual no booze, take your prenatal, etc) because this kid hasn't given me the physical reminders that Lucas did. It's just been ... EASY. Now that we are further into the second trimester and the movement has increased, I do get those daily reminders (and I look forward to them!) but it's not quite the same. Maybe it's hard to explain but ... I don't know. It's all just so different.
Baby #2 comes up every day but both M & I are just ... ready. I am sure that statement will come back to bite us in the ass come January, as we (ok, I) figure out how to juggle a newborn and a toddler at the same time (from what I hear ... NOT EASY!) but for now, I am enjoying the easy breezy way of life this one has given me this time around. Post baby is a whole different story, but until then? It's kind of a nice change of pace not worrying about what needs to get done.
Maybe my appreciation for the ease of it all outweights the feeling of neglect for not doing any major planning for his arrival? We will go with that.